This one I first learned as a kid. I was never a bad kid.I didn’t cry in public as a child and tantrums mostly happened at home. Well, growing up I learned that life isn’t what everyone says it’s going to be like. I was an average built girl, I played soccer and loved to hang out with my friends. Then puberty hit, and for me it came early, and I had to start wearing a bra, I got glasses for the first time in 5th grade, braces in 6th grade, etc. Because I was more advanced then even my own best friends, they teased me along with other kids. Did it bother me? Sure, why not I was a kid. Did I show I cared? Absolutely not, I don’t even think I told my parents or aunt until like high school. But it still happened.
Two of my best friends, who will deny this to this very day, thought it would be funny and cool for them to stand on a table in the middle of physical education and alert all the boys and all the girls in both classes that I wore a bra. Of course, everyone started laughing. I didn’t tell my parents or aunt, my PE Coach did because he’s a family friend. Well that went well! I was also teased as being Harry Potter by the boys because my leg hairs were dark and hairy, so I started shaving in 5th grade. To me, now, these are perks to be honest, but at the time it was “funny” to everyone but me. I was embarrassed.
Fast forward through high school (don’t worry the teasing never stopped, even til today) and college and let’s land on 2013. My boyfriend and I of 9 years had a pretty nasty fight and broke up. Two months later I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t speaking, but I had to tell him so I texted it to him (that’s what he gets for not wanting to talk when I said I had something serious to talk about). Anyway, aside from that I had a good pregnancy. He was in and out, mostly went to doctors appointments only, but that was because he freaked the hell out and decided he needed to work more hours at work because he couldn’t afford a baby. Dude, neither could I but I was going to make it work. It’s my child! Then came my 28 week check up and, I’ve said this before, I knew something was off, but I wasn’t going to miss my appointment. When we got there, he was complaining I was late (I’m never late, he is!) and then we went in to see the doctor. Well this is when I definitely knew something was right. She couldn’t find the baby.
Off to a sonogram we went, of course I’m panicking at this point and he’s all relax it’s going to be okay (yatta yatta). They couldn’t find the heartbeat and as the technician so rudely stated, “sorry your baby has no heartbeat I need to tell the doctor”. I thought he was going to jump her, I was in tears, and the doctor came in to comfort us and give me my options. Of course I wanted to deliver my son. He’s my baby. So I decided to check in to the hospital and prepare for delivery. My parents and aunt got to Orlando in two hours from Miami (thank god I wasn’t in that car). Two of my best friends drove up, my two sisters and brother in law, my cousin, his dad and step mom, his mom and step dad – everyone who mattered was there.
This is where the helmet comes in handy. I’ve struggled for three and a half years with my depression. I have my good days, and my bad, then my worst days. I’m learning that life isn’t as easy as everyone said it’d be and there are always challenges. Keeping that helmet handy has gotten me through so tough times in my life, even as a kid.